Are you going to wear the shoes?
- May 27, 2024
- 3 min read
I was on my way out the door to attend my partner's graduation ceremony-he's a college instructor- when he asked, "You aren't wearing those shoes, are you?"
I was in my black dress and wearing one of my favorite pairs of shoes- my red Converse.
I stopped in my tracks.
Old thought patterns began to resurface.
I do look stupid.
People will make fun of me.
I'm going to embarrass him.
I should go change my shoes.
Still standing on the stairs, my old self was in a heated battle with my new self.
But my new self won.
I remembered I am not who I once was. I am not quite the same wallflower I was a year ago.
My hair looks amazing.
I love how I feel in this black dress.
My red shoes make me happy.
This look is my vibe- it's authentically me.
"Of course I'm wearing these shoes," I said as I smiled and continued walking down the stairs.
He has probably forgotten about that moment, but that day, and the lessons that came after, will stay with me for the rest of my life.
My partner of almost four years broke my heart a little that day.
He didn't tell me I looked beautiful.
He didn't thank me for supporting him at another boring graduation ceremony.
He didn't say he was proud to have me by his side.
No, he only questioned my shoes.
Why is it we so quickly second-guess something about ourselves when someone points out a flaw, but overlook the behavior of the one who made the remark?
In high school, a boy told me I had too much of a gut to be wearing a striped dress. I weighed 110 pounds. I didn't wear stripes for years. YEARS! All because of how he made me feel in just a few seconds.
I didn't say anything to that boy, and I didn't say anything to my partner. I just took the criticism like the inflicted wound it was.
Why is that? Why is it more difficult to speak up for ourselves with the people who are supposed to be our friends, the ones who claim they love us?
The next time someone questions me over my hair, my clothes, my weight- anything that makes who I am- I want to be strong enough to speak up. And if it happens to you, I want you to be strong enough to speak up, too. We should not have to defend who we are, what we look like, or any choice we make in life- especially to our people.
My heart tells me there are people in this world who will love us unconditionally, who will be proud to have us by their sides, who will look at us through eyes of wonder instead of judgment. Those are our people. Those are the people we need in our lives.
So when it's time to do a little cleaning and organizing, let's hang onto the shoes that make us feel alive, but take a good look at the people we allow into our space, and especially into our hearts.
Wear the damn shoes, warrior.
And if you are looking for guidance in your life or business, I would love to help you. Visit my services page to see how I can help bring out the warrior in you.
Comments